If the title sounds oddly familiar, it’s because it’s a phrase that Alan Watts (notable British philosopher) uses to describe our states of mind when we feel vulnerable, afraid, or attached to the world or the outcome of a given situation. We can be reduced to a “quaking mess” in the face of the harsh truths of the world and our desperate desires about how things “should be” – and perhaps more importantly, how we as individuals “should be.”
Watts’ characterization of the human persona as a quaking mess has felt all-too-real in various times in my life, especially when in a difficult romantic relationship.
Want to listen on Spotify? Here you go 🙂
I felt like writing a song that acknowledges our struggle (perhaps our inescapable inability), as people, to escape this quaking mess – this thing in us that clings.
I told the story from the point of view of the narrator (yes me) begging someone not to toy with the singer’s heart, and framing the song within the idea of a chess match, with pawns and queens and jesters, “checkered boards and checkered pasts.”
If you haven’t heard of Alan Watts, I’d highly recommend checking him out. A British philosopher, author, and orator who rose to fame in the 50’s and 60’s, Watts is exceptionally eloquent and honest in his reflections on the human ego, synthesizing his understanding of both Christian and Eastern Religions and looking for deeper meanings within the dogma of various religions. You can’t help but learn something. His talks are readily available on YouTube and are perfect for late nights or long car rides.
Watts reminds us that even when life is going well, we’re likely still holding on to the concept of improving, and attaching ourselves to the “constructive” or “beneficial” habits that we have, all in an effort to improve.
Our desire to improve ourselves is irrevocably coupled with the suffering we experience and keeps us from being satisfied with the moment. But there’s a catch, even our desire to “be satisfied”, “in the moment”, or simply to “not desire” (as Buddhists often teach) is still desire – it’s still our inability to be satisfied, and only in the surrender to the situation (and the realization that ultimately there’s not a lot we can “do” about this situation) that we find some measure of peace and freedom.
Really hope you enjoy, my friends. This year has been an incredible journey, and can’t wait to share more of the music that is nearly ready to be released.
If you like what I’m up to, please consider “following” Cecil Charles on Spotify , Instagram, “liking” my page on Facebook, “subscribing” to my YouTube Channel, joining my journey on Patreon.com , and… perhaps most importantly… sharing my work with friends and family who you think might like it.
~ Cecil
LYRICS
“Quaking Mess” – music and lyrics by Cecil Charles
VERSE 1
I can’t quit this quaking mess I find myself become.
Your feinted moves, your game of chess have left me overrun.
CHORUS
No, no, no, no, no!
I need you all the way,
but you play this game, then walk away.
If only my shaking hands let go
from holding on to every piece you play.
VERSE 2
I can’t quit this quaking mess I find myself become
a pawn’s approach has just one path – we all know the outcome,
(a laughable story, but jesters aren’t cozy with queens when day is done).
CHORUS
BRIDGE
And the only reason I keep stepping up to the line
is the look in your eyes
when your forehead’s pressed up to mine
VERSE 3
I can’t quit this quaking mess I find myself become
a checkered board, my checkered past, les jeux sont faits, madame
Love the ballad lyrics, and the tune is appropriately haunting.
The analogy to chess and checkers appeals to thoughtful listeners, many, like me, who haven’t played those games in decades, but have fond memories (burnished by time) of the challenges and frustrations.
I don’t know why I kept being reminded of French balladeers — like Edith Piaf.
Edith Piaf!! – I’m so flattered to hear you say that my friend! She’s the haunting-est! haha. Sincerely though, means the world. Thank you!